A Change of Heart

Sometimes, when I am in a quiet place in life I am able to rest my mind and focus on the things that really matter. But lately, life has been loud. Somehow, I have lost focus. Maybe it is the result of our two pregnancy losses. Maybe it’s because we are dealing with the ‘terrible two’s’ full throttle. Maybe life is just too hectic. Maybe I simply need to slow down.

And maybe … just maybe … it’s me.

In the midst of my daily diaper changing, lotion-lathering, dish-doing, toy-tripping, and Facebook - creeping I have become unsatisfied. I have become impatient. And I have become unsettled. To put it in one word…I am: ungrateful.


I don’t know where the roots of discontentment begin but I know those roots grow fast. And they are strong … strong enough to wrap our hearts and minds in a muddy mess of entitlement. I find myself asking questions and challenging the Lord’s sovereignty over our lives. I miss the wonder right in front of me because I am too busy looking forward. And often times, I pout over all the blessings I eagerly anticipate but rarely appreciate.

It’s a little awkward to be confessing this on-line, however some things just need to be said and since I am rarely someone who holds my tongue, I figure I might as well just put it all out there. I would like to believe that I am not the only person who struggles in this area so hopefully this “commitment” of mine will be of some encouragement to those who stumble across my blog.

It is Thanksgiving season and this time of year is so dear to me. I love the smell of pumpkin candles in my kitchen. I look forward to fun fall ideas from my Real Simple magazine. I love the anticipation of making the perfect Thanksgiving meal. I cherish family pictures of us in brown sweaters and fall accessories. I look forward to Cyber Monday. And most of all, I treasure this time of year with family. And while all those things are wonderful, they are nothing compared to the true intention of Thanksgiving. I did some research and found that Thanksgiving in America originally began as a religious observance to give thanks to God.

To give thanks to God.

I barely remember a time when it was kosher and acceptable to openly praise God for his mercy and blessing. And on a national level? Unheard of. You see, we have lost focus. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am ready to bring my focus back in clear view.

I once read that it takes 21 days to break a bad habit. While I am not clear on the scientific evidence behind such claims, it sounds convincing enough to me. My ungratefulness has become somewhat of a bad habit. It is sort of like biting my nails: I know it is not good for me, but I simply cannot help myself. My attitude of ungratefulness is exactly the same. I know better. But I choose the easier path of discontentment.

So here is what I am going to do: between now and Thanksgiving, I commit to 21 days of gratefulness. I will post something each day that I am thankful for. I will not be putting these things in any particular order...just as they come to me. This is a little scary for me as I am freaked out at the commitment of blogging daily. However, my sweet husband is on board so I am guessing some late night blogs are in my future. Either way, I need to do this and get my heart in check.

Day one starts tomorrow. To be continued…