Sometimes, when I am in a quiet place in life I am able to rest my mind and focus on the things that really matter. But lately, life has been loud. Somehow, I have lost focus. Maybe it is the result of our two pregnancy losses. Maybe it’s because we are dealing with the ‘terrible two’s’ full throttle. Maybe life is just too hectic. Maybe I simply need to slow down.
And maybe … just maybe … it’s me.
In the midst of my daily diaper changing, lotion-lathering, dish-doing, toy-tripping, and Facebook - creeping I have become unsatisfied. I have become impatient. And I have become unsettled. To put it in one word…I am: ungrateful.
I don’t know where the roots of discontentment begin but I know those roots grow fast. And they are strong … strong enough to wrap our hearts and minds in a muddy mess of entitlement. I find myself asking questions and challenging the Lord’s sovereignty over our lives. I miss the wonder right in front of me because I am too busy looking forward. And often times, I pout over all the blessings I eagerly anticipate but rarely appreciate.
It’s a little awkward to be confessing this on-line, however some things just need to be said and since I am rarely someone who holds my tongue, I figure I might as well just put it all out there. I would like to believe that I am not the only person who struggles in this area so hopefully this “commitment” of mine will be of some encouragement to those who stumble across my blog.
It is Thanksgiving season and this time of year is so dear to me. I love the smell of pumpkin candles in my kitchen. I look forward to fun fall ideas from my Real Simple magazine. I love the anticipation of making the perfect Thanksgiving meal. I cherish family pictures of us in brown sweaters and fall accessories. I look forward to Cyber Monday. And most of all, I treasure this time of year with family. And while all those things are wonderful, they are nothing compared to the true intention of Thanksgiving. I did some research and found that Thanksgiving in America originally began as a religious observance to give thanks to God.
To give thanks to God.
I barely remember a time when it was kosher and acceptable to openly praise God for his mercy and blessing. And on a national level? Unheard of. You see, we have lost focus. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am ready to bring my focus back in clear view.
I once read that it takes 21 days to break a bad habit. While I am not clear on the scientific evidence behind such claims, it sounds convincing enough to me. My ungratefulness has become somewhat of a bad habit. It is sort of like biting my nails: I know it is not good for me, but I simply cannot help myself. My attitude of ungratefulness is exactly the same. I know better. But I choose the easier path of discontentment.
So here is what I am going to do: between now and Thanksgiving, I commit to 21 days of gratefulness. I will post something each day that I am thankful for. I will not be putting these things in any particular order...just as they come to me. This is a little scary for me as I am freaked out at the commitment of blogging daily. However, my sweet husband is on board so I am guessing some late night blogs are in my future. Either way, I need to do this and get my heart in check.
Day one starts tomorrow. To be continued…
I am so sorry to hear about your pregnancy losses, Brooke. You are an incredible woman, and I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Thanks for inspiring me to be more thankful.
ReplyDeleteKelly
So, so good, sweet neighbor! I love your honesty and vulnerability, Brooke. It makes me check some things about my own spirit and realize how many things I have to be grateful for - amidst all the craziness of life. How in the world did I lose sight of the most important things in my life?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the visit this morning. Looking forward to many more! :)
Jerri Lynn
I'm always shocked that the more ungrateful or discontent I am, the more miserable and unhappy I am. Such a constant struggle of mine...not being content with the season NOW. Always looking ahead. I'm so excited to hear your 21 days of gratefulness.
ReplyDeleteSister..thanks for being so honest. You nailed it on the head...it's not our circumstances that lead to discontentment; it's the status of our hearts that leads us to a spirit of entitlement no matter what the season. I look forward to your '21 days of gratefulness' but look forward even more to seeing you dig deep into your heart and find the root of ungratefulness that's polluted your sweet life. What an amazing opportunity to walk this out together..LOVE you.
ReplyDeleteHow much do I love and miss you?? Thanks for such a great reminder to NOT take things for granted and to remember that NO DAY is guaranteed. Entitlement is ridiculous when you think in terms of being blessed by another day here among friends and family!
ReplyDeleteOn a completely different note, I have to admit that I started reading your post about your miscarriages (I shudder to type out that word, having gone through one myself between J.J. and Hadley), but I had to stop when I read the dates of both. The first, January 25 is both Johnny and J.J.'s birthday. The second is actually my due date right now. When I read it, I was only 10 or 11 weeks, so reading that was a bit scary. But I completely empathize with you and know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better...it all seems to make you feel worse for some reason, despite their good intentions. Just know I love you lots and am praying for you!
Heather
so excited to read these next 21 days! i look forward to hearing what you are thankful for! thanks for letting us peek in your heart!!!
ReplyDelete