Black Friday Frenzy...

I did it. I went shopping on Black Friday. And not just any shopping, but a get up at the crack of dawn - brush your teeth and possibly your hair - kind of shopping. It was awesome and I intend to do it again.

First, let me say that there was absolutely nothing on my list that required a bolt to the stores in the wee hours of the morning...but I chose to go anyways 'cause any gal who is a serious shopper needs to go at least once in her life. And I totally made my mama proud.

It all started Thursday night. Jimmy's mom Patty, and myself had decided we were going to be 'those women' this year and go out early. In the midst of mapping out our route and perusing the Black Friday ads, we got a little bonus. Much to our surprise, some stores open before Black Friday. Gasp! Can you believe it? We did. And we were super pumped.  We decided to go for it. Toys R Us opened at 10pm on Thursday night so we thought, "What the heck?! Let's go." We loaded up on extra carbs (my excuse for that third helping of mashed potatoes), cranked on the coffee, and bundled up in our most intimidating "get out of my way" attire.

As we pulled into the parking lot, we grew a little concerned. Would you believe that hundreds of other women had the same idea we did? I mean, I consider myself a tough driver. I have driven in Dallas plenty of times and I even drive in New Jersey at least once a year. You would think I could handle a little parking lot traffic. Wrong. These people were out for blood. Parking spots were suddenly treated like Starbucks coffees on a Monday morning...the concept of a Christmas Spirit was totally eliminated, and I swear I even saw some women develop a nervous twitch while searching for spots.

Patty and I began to wonder what on earth we had missed. Were they giving away real babies this year or something? Was there a second time black Friday-er tax credit this year? Was Rob Pattison supposed to make an appearance? I mean, what in the world could cause these family women to snarl at one another?

I'll tell you what...Rock. Bottom. Prices. That's what.

Patty and I tiptoed up to the line to see how bad the wait was. We were greeted by a number of suspicious stares and a couple of downright hateful looks. The hateful looks were followed by a panicked slur of women telling us where the back of the line was. (As if we didn't know). Those Crazies were inadvertently accusing us of contemplating a little cutting in line. And frankly, I seriously considered it just because I would totally be amused by the kickback to third grade type of tattle-telling that was sure to follow. But, Patty is a fair woman...and I knew she wouldn't let me so I kept my cool.

As we looked at the line, we learned that it not only wrapped around the entire complex...but also wove across the street. Huh? I was pretty certain there was a residential type road behind the building. I immediately began to wonder what the line of shoppers did when someone was trying to drive through the neighborhood. I suppose the line parted like the Red Sea, which is appropriate because clearly this was a religious experience for many of these people.

After about ten minutes of standing outside, we both realized we had officially become just like the prices we were hoping to get. We too, had hit rock bottom. There we were : two educated, intelligent women and we were standing in the freezing cold, staring face to face with a bunch of territorial neurotics who had clearly been standing in line for hours just to save 50% on Polly Pockets. And much like the Thanksgiving turkey we enjoyed earlier that day, we were done. So we left.

We later learned that the police were dispatched because people were trying to cut in line. What are we? Five years old? I can only imagine how that 911 call went...I suppose it went something like this:

"911. What is your emergency?"
"Yes, I need the police out here. People are trying to cut me in line!"
"Someone is cutting you in your spine? Are you in a safe place?"
"No. They are cutting me in line. I am at Toys R Us in line to go shopping."
"Your boys are a mess and your spine is popping?"

And so on, and so on. Because no one in their right mind would call the police about line hopping. But hey, this is the monster we have created. And I am officially proud to be an American on nights like this.

Not to be defeated by our recent reality check, I had the brilliant idea to look online to see if the advertised prices carried over. And you know what? Many of them did. As I sat there in my warm PJ's, next to my sweet and slumbering husband, I shopped Black Friday prices in the comfort of home. I had to chuckle as I thought of all the teeth chattering, panic stricken, and dirty look casting people in line at Toys R Us. I seriously thought about delivering cups of hot chocolate to the masses, coupled with napkins imprinted with my online Toys R Us receipt. Luckily, I thought better of it.

Friday morning was a much more pleasant experience for us. We hit Target at 7am...a solid three hours after it had opened. The Crazies were already home ... probably hugging their shopping sacks tightly as they rocked back and forth, humming their own rendition of "Don't Stop Believin". The shelves were still stocked pretty darned full and we were actually able to walk right up to the checkout lanes. Another added bonus? The store associates were no longer laying face first on the floor and were able to help us locate what we were searching for. (Store employee roadkill is a common Black Friday causality).

The lesson we learned? Black Friday prices are totally worth a trip to the store. Having said that, I might just be plotting my midnight shopping online next year. I am still having flashbacks to Thursday night ... but those fears are waned each time I look at my ToysRUs.com sales receipt. Smile.